Gypsy dreaming

Life
Death
living
not living
no more
no less
what happens?
does life end?
Or does new life begin?

Wanting answers
living with ignorance
a question to be solved
at the grand finale

That's it
Or is it?
Who knows
I don't
I wish
I did
It would
make life
so much
easier.

instead
I'll just
have to
wait
and
see

I feel a detatchement with the world
with my body
with my life
What happened?
A seperation of sorts
as if a dense fog has covered everything I thought I knew

I try to catch up
but it's like running a race I can never win
Alone, unsure, overly sentimental
those are the batons passed to me as I run
things blur and meld together in an explosion of speed
I think I made things worse

I feel like my brain is convex
Attempting to expand but reaching it's limits far too early
I get overwhelmed so easily
Thoughts whirring and colliding like atoms in the LHC
Is everyone's though process comparable to the big bang?
My hormonal outcry for validation
Never to succeed for subconscious barriers hold strong
After all, things will continue to appear and insist on my undeserving

Where do I go from here?
Is this how the movie ends?
How do you find depth in a puddle?

Laughter, chiming like so many bells signaling a church sermon
people filled with faith, with belief, with hope
Where is my faith?
Is it under the fog, with it's opaque shroud concealing reality
My own, skewed, version of reality
I want to wake up, but I am awake.

Is anything real anymore?
The only thing I know to be real is emotion.
Pulsating, nearly tangible. I feel and feel and feel but nothing seem to fit the feelings.
How can I have any feeling if I'm not even sure about anything?
Is this how the movie ends?
Lights fade, camera pans slowly over a girl with no sense of up or down
right and wrong
love and hate
word's dont do emotion justice.
How can you put feelings into literary terms?
It destroys the value.
Then again, who gives value to anything.
Where is the line drawn that dictates value.
Everything is so relative.
Nothing means anything, everything means something.
Maybe I'm not making sense because I can't.
You can't make sense of the senseless, and that's what my life has become, or always was.
Senseless.
That's what the universe is, total nonsense.